The Return... of the imperfect girl?

After abandoned my blog for, let me see... since 2011? 3 years? That is really a very long time.
Time to time I still will monitor on my blog as it is part of me as well.

It has been almost 4 years since I started to work at this... I suppose heaven and hell place?
Due to recent incident happen which is quite complicated...
Again, I'm lost once again...

I seriously wanted to know what I really like to do... unfortunately I am currently heavy burden by money...
Money... I hate you so much... really so much... at the same time I love you as well...

Ok enough the crap...
Let me see...
What I might like to do...

  • 1. Taking photo
  • 2. Handcrafting
  • 3. Fashion
  • 4. Nail polish
  • 5. Facial research
  • 6. Lipsticks
  • 7. Being pretty? haha... 
  • 8. Shopaholic? recently announce? Maybe...
  • 9. Listen to the music
  • 10. Drama?
  • 11. ... to be continue? ...

ahh... even I'm seriously crapping right now...

Please take me slowly as... seriously it is very long time since I blogged...

The end...?

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My Love Letter, To You

Actually I wanted to post this post before Li cheang and Mindy go for their trip but I still missed the blogging.
However, I still want to write this post no matter what. Hehe, sorry guys.

We don't took much crazy photo of 3 of us, here is the only one. Sorry for the blurry.
Here I have a love letters  for you guys.

* * * * * * * * *

Dear Li Cheang,

You going to shanghai, enjoy the traveling and release all the stress you've got hehe.
Now you coming back already, I wanted to thank you for the snack and souvenir.
Thanks a lot, you are always my best buddy ever!

Little Pig

* * * * * * * * *

Dear Mindy,

Remember to take more pictures when you are in Korea.
Not everyone has the chances to have student exchange programs.
Enjoy the student's life when you still have it.
When you come back we will have girl's shopping again hehe.
Remember grab whatever they have there, fashion, facial treatment, anything haha!!
All the best though and take care :).
We are waiting for you:)

Little Pig

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I'm Emo, But Yet Happy :)

(Please please oh please... to give me some place to have my complaint and murmur... It is just too tired to keep inside my mind and heart. After said it I will tend to forgot, then I will be not so emo)

It's been 6 months I've been working.
It looks like very long but actually it's not.
How I wish I've already working for one year!
A lot of my friends have been working for one year because they found the job earlier than me, except for those who has been extended.

I'm working under a really good environment.
With good colleagues, good teams.
Not really have good boss haha!
Yeah, since I started to work it's learning for every single day!
That is what I've been asking for, "I wish I can learn new thing everyday!"
It's a good thing to keep on learning new stuff.
However, when it's not something that you like,
for me it's kind of torturing.
Still, no matter what I will try my best to learn, although it is not fully from my heart.

I don't know what others think but, I felt that it is quite nice treated nicely by everyone around me.
In this 6 months, I really very happy to have such a good team around.
But, the more I socialist with them, the more low-esteem I have.
Not that I'm saying they are not good,
just, it is my internal problem.
Well, for those who mix with me for so many years should know I easy to have low-esteem toward myself especially when I felt that I can't really socialist or into the group or have more sharing with them.
I don't have any knowledge, I don't really know how to socialist (I know a lot of you sure disagree about this), It is hard for someone to interact with others when they have limited knowledge or thought or half knowledge in their mind.
Months by months I realize that, I'm getting lesser and lesser I want to talk. I'm getting lesser and lesser I want to mix or go out with people (unless when I'm in the mood).
I started to realize that, my socialist is only can be interact in between myself.
Nah, it is actually something that I realize long time ago.
At 1st, yeah I keep on talking talking talking.
When I realize I can't really have conversation with one,
I will start to create a gap between me and one.
As time passing by, I started to lock myself in the box.
I don't like to read or study or anything. (But it is something that I wish I love)
so as time passing by, the knowledge I have in my mind is getting overdue.
So most of the time I wish people come to me instead of  I go for others.
But when others come to me, I tend to think of how to quickly ended up the conversation. (of course it is not apply to everyone, only certain people)
No matter guy or girl, I have no idea how to have conversation.
Humans tend to like give and take but I can't even do both of it.
Not that I am selfish, it is just I don't know how.
So sometimes I just remain silent.
It's the only way to avoid being felt annoyed by others.

If I'm telling around that I'm actually don't know how to socialist and don't know how to maintain the social,
no one can believe that.
It seems like I have plenty of friends!
Yes I have! But, most of them is just a goodbye friends.
And it is something that I don't like.
I wish to turn all the goodbye friends become a friend that they can find me anytime they want and I can interact with them with any conversation!
(If I'm complaining these to others, the answer I will get is, LEARN! part of it, yeah learn how to read, learn how to social, learn how to interact... I'M LEARNING I'M LEARNING OK!!)

Besides that, nowadays I don't really complaint much as I used to.
Unless I am over stressed.
Example like it's my 1st time to meet someone impatient to teach me things.
Not that I wanted to be a slow learner.
All my "teacher" were a patient person.
Whenever I complaint, what I get always an offender.listener instead of just a listener.
What I need is just a place to release it.( for sometimes.)
Again, when time flies, I tend to have lesser complaint.
Especially complaint about what I work, complaint about people around me.
No one is perfect, right?
Some more, the lesser I talk, the lesser I will hurt people or say something that I shouldn't say it.
I'm not a person that good in filtering my brain, so, I tend to hurt people anytime and anywhere.

There is a lot of things that make me changed after I started to work.
It also makes me thinks that I doesn't really suit in the society.
A lot of you sure will think that I think to much (again).
It is just something that I felt.
When I feel others seems like doesn't like me around,
I will just leave quietly...

When I'm facing some problem that I can't solve,
I always choose to escape instead of solving it.
It is one of the way to cool down myself before I step forward.
When I realize that I can't talk anymore,
I always choose to lock myself away from crowded.
That is the time I felt I want to travel alone around.

* * * * * * * * * * *

(Now enough for the cloudy day, let rise the sunshine!)

However, no matter how bad I felt,
there is always a place to cool me down haha!!
either my lovely rocks crazy cool best gang be with me!
I love them so much!!
or the beast team!! haha!!
I love being with them!
Just sometimes I reject to hang out with them because of I need to be fetch by them every single time!
Feel such a useless.
They always have a lot of plan!
So happening, Damn! haha..
Such as, this coming weekend they are going to have house warming party and also opening house makan-makan!
Yer... It's all about food!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and GATHERING!!! Haha!
Because of I have to work.
Well, if I didn't work, I can't have my two weeks holiday with family right?
So as I always have to face, in between two, I always have to choose one.
Either beast team or my family.
It is something that I wish I can be greed to have two at once.

Of course, I didn't forget about my own gang!!!
I wish I could have mid-autumn celebration with them.
Monday night we play lantern ok? hehe

Here is some pictures that I've been not updated for like, few months?
I just lazy to edit those photos haha.
And sorry for some pictures I didn't edit it.
I'm using netbook, it is very slow! So I lazy to wait for it haha!
Here we go!

* * * * * * * * * * * *

*The Happening Team C. There is birthday celebration and farewell. Do you saw me there? XD so surprise! They bought me two slides of Secret Recipe Cheese cake! Wow! Damn XD freaking happy hehe, just that, cheese is not really my cup of tea, still XD I accepted the taste hehe. Thanks guys!! You guys rocks! ( Sorry Ben I lazy to transfer another photo so XD I use the glasses to cover the almost-close eyes haha)*

*Some entertainment that we have during the working period! Especially Raya! More and more food! haha.. And I'm bored until go and play the plastic bag that I have collected huhu~*

*The FIT - We are no nerds gathering, as well as my birthday! One big family! Unfortunately not that united yet. And Prunes from Mindy, also XD MY LOVELY XIAO ZHU's album from yao hung huhu!*

 *New kitchen so I'm started my cooking lesson, nah, not always success. Mostly is fried thing, a lot of people can cook right? Just put oil and throw everything inside and fried and wala! done haha! Oh ya also my very 1st spaghetti cooking haha! Satisfaction!*

*My, er, august creation! It's my phone charger. Also another unexpected success. And different type of sewing, still XD satisfaction, just that. T_T the outcome is fail because T_T it's actually a bear not a dog!!*

*Another birthday present from Li cheang!!!*

 *My very 1st snooker! With team C =.=*

* Present from SHANGHAI!! By Li cheang!! Thank you!! Damn more snack haha! *

*Tenji2 for my 1st time! Sam brought me here for dinner and we realize that buffet not really our cup of tea haha. And =.= tenji2 not much choices for me.. wasted.*

* XD Sam cooked these for my dinner! Wow happy for it! And his experiment of Cabonara Fettuccine. Not happy because of I need to wash all those plates after 12 hours working exhausted. =.=*

*And I have my new hair cut that cost me quite a lot. In the end because of my own hair is not a healthy hair, now my hair looks like grass again =.= 
and can you see the cute bunny cover? Yes I got a new phone finally hehe, easily guess what phone is that hehe. What to do, T_T my W810 has left me behind T_T I'm sad for the R.I.P, still the best phone ever for me.*

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

A long post huh, what to do, XD I'm such a lazy bug haha!! Thanks for the time to read my murmur and enjoy the picture hehe. (Yeah yeah i know, mostly are from my facebook picture XD haha!)

p/s: WooHoo!! I'm going back after few days!! I mean hometown!! After one year I didn't go back home. Unfortunately I haven't even bought any souvenir for them... haix... what should I do, I have lack of time already. Sad.. 

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Stupid Question

Why can't we be born to be the same?

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I wish I'm jobless now

Start from June I started feel that how come I kept on having bad luck?
Isn't it going smoothly for the whole two months after I enter the company?
How come now keep pop out a lot of mistake??
Why I kept on doing mistake!!
Sometimes yes I'm very cautious, but still will missed out something for sometimes.
Hello it's nothing small, it's a big case,
just like study time, non-stop giving out trouble for others.
Now kept on causing problem for the boss.
I really hate it! Hate it until I wish I just resign!!
But unfortunately I can't do that.
When I started to work, there is nothing I can escape from already.
Not like study time, when there is a mistake you've been made, just correct it.
After you work, there is no such thing as correction anymore.
Whenever there is any mistake you did, they always ask for the root cause and prevention.NON-STOP!
not like your study time, once there is a mistake, oh just correct it and no need to say anything.
Now I hate and phobia whenever I see the word root cause and prevention...
This is nothing that I can explain because I never did.
I don't even know what am I doing!
Shit just happened.
My good luck is just gone just after a short period and for me it's quite unfair!
But there is nothing fair in the world right?

Cautious also make mistake, Not being cautious also make mistake.
I really don't know what else I can do.
It just gave me another fear to enter the office.
Sometimes just wish I never accept this job.
And I also regretted accept the confirmation so early.
After accept it the bad thing keep coming to me.
What should I do?
God, what kind of test are you giving me now?
What you want me to do?
Stop running away from my own mistake? Even stopping me for taking a break?
Ever since I started to work, there is a lot of things that I always reject for facing or doing it that I need to do.
Such as guiding a fresh meat, must finish the job in time or finished everything by today (while I always love to delay my own project or stuff), facing all the mistake that I did, there is never a turning back way.

So I told myself,
after this job, I wouldn't find a job that concern about SLA time or running the batch job in time, everything just be very be careful not the click on the wrong job, not to miss the job, everything must be sequence.
Colorful thing around, no one is rushing you for doing what you need to do,
no one put expectation to you.
But I don't think I can, unless I don't want to work.

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與其。。。 不如

與其學怎麽離群, 不如學怎麽隨機應變。

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當, 被你在乎的人忽冷忽熱,
當, 你一直都那麽在乎的人覺得他/她自己一直都是一個人
當, 你很用心,很努力讓你在乎的人不覺得自己是多餘的
當, 你希望什麽事情都想要對你在乎的人分享他/她卻當作不管它事
當, 你希望他/她有什麽心事,可以告訴你, 即時你不是個很好的安慰者
那個心, 是多麽的痛多麽的傷。
也許, 你在那個人的心根本沒你想象的那麽重要吧。
太在乎每一件事, 每一樣東西,每一個人,
這樣, 是不是我就會變一個自私又冷血的人呢?

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